I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
