My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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