I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
