I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
