Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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