What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
