happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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