Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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