Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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