My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
