you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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