i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
