I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
