I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
