Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize