I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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