I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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