he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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