where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
