So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
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