last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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