angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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