I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
