We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
