If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
