There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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