He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
