Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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