he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
