yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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