y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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