3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
