EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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