Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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