New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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