last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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