i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this will be a night to untag.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
how does that bad decision feel?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
