My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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