Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
