ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
