oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
