I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
