I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
