You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
