No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
