he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
