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she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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