So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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