OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
