Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
