i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
