i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
