For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize