I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
