I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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