Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
