If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
