so explain again why im purple
no
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
