I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
