I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize