i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
