obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize