someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
