i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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