everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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