We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
