He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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