ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
