i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
