is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
