Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
