You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
