I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
