If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize