I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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