i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
