I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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