i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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