my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Michael Bay diarrhea
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
