she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
