i think my tv is drunk
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
