You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
