scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
