she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
