I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
