One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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