just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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