What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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