haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
