I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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